\nKelsey Kawamoto, a 33-year-old Denver-based digital nomad and another cool aunt of TikTok, says she's experienced a similar transformation in her mindset as she's gotten older, having surpassed the ages by which she once thought she \"had to hit certain stereotypical 'adult' checklist marks.\"

\"Creating this video made me feel proud of myself for all the 'Plan B' opportunities that were possible in my life because I didn't follow the traditional 'Plan A' schedule,\" she says. \"I feel at this age that my goals are limitless versus when I was younger.\"

Ten years ago, she says, she saw herself leading a more conventional life, as a married homeowner with kids. But now, the goal that ranks highest for her is to build her own wealth through a job that grants her flexibility in where and how she works. \"I want to travel as much as possible and spend my free time doing the things that make me happiest.\"

That's not to say that marriage and kids are necessarily antithetical to finding your bliss. But fewer straight women are finding suitable partners as the ideology gap widens between genders. And raising children today comes with its own set of unique challenges, like a crumbling reproductive healthcare system and unaffordable childcare; like navigating threats from gun violence, climate change, and AI; and like the still uneven burden of emotional labor that mothers absorb. A through line in so many of the cool aunt videos is the message that the choice to become a wife or a parent should always be just that: a choice.

\"Women are so often expected to dim themselves as they grow older . . . but growing older doesn't mean giving up your own sense of self.\"

And in turn, you can choose to become something else entirely, especially with the money you save from not having to pay for a wedding, pay for a mortgage, or pay for childcare costs.

Kawamoto, for instance, sent her email responses to me from the cruise ship she's living on for the next few weeks, traveling from Alaska to Japan. As a digital nomad, she spends the money she would have otherwise put toward rent on travel costs. \"If I did have the common responsibilities that [come] with being a full-time parent I don't believe I would be able to live the spontaneous and free life that I am currently,\" she says.

@kelseykawamoto
Time to activate… Plan B 🥂 #coolaunt #planb
♬ original sound - DailySav

\nKawamoto isn't just an aunt on TikTok, though; she actually has two nephews in real life, too, and she takes her role as a caretaker very seriously: \"I will know I have achieved my mission as a 'cool aunt' when my nephews live life authentically and not just by what they think they should do because of societal norms.\"

TikTok has seen a smattering of \"cool uncles,\" too - guys who post their own versions of the Plan A and Plan B format. But while independence, curiosity, and a sense of adventure are fostered in most boys and men from an early age, women and queer people have had to fight for the space to consider their own freedom before signing over their lives in service of others.

Hershy, who hopes to build a career in dance, music, fashion, or content creation after graduation, feels like she hit her cool aunt milestones when she hosted her first Diwali-Halloween party in her college apartment, and when she flew from LA to New York City alone to attend New York Fashion Week.

\"Cool aunt is an energy!\" she explains. \"Women are so often expected to dim themselves as they grow older and to build their identity around motherhood and marriage, but growing older doesn't mean giving up your own sense of self. Being a 'cool aunt' simply means being a mature girl who lives her best life on her own terms.\"

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Emma Glassman-Hughes (she/her) is the associate editor at PS Balance. In her seven years as a reporter, her beats have spanned the lifestyle spectrum; she's covered arts and culture for The Boston Globe, sex and relationships for Cosmopolitan, and food, climate, and farming for Ambrook Research.
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